Greetings. I wish I could tell you what my blog is about, but I can't, because I have no idea. I suppose it will depend upon what my muse has me pondering each day. I do know you will see some poetry,creative writing, rantings about the world, journaling and well, I guess you'll just find me. I am usually inspired to write when life is good and I am feeling vibrant. I do hope you enjoy this and please let me know what you think.
Friday, March 16, 2007
The Baby
I had a list. I made this list because I didn’t want Meadow to worry about my end of things. I made a list of friends who would aide me, when I was called to aide her. These friends were willing to watch my children if their father wasn’t around, but only until he could get there. The deal was that I’d call him wherever he was and he’d come get them. He could be up to two hours away, depending on what job he was working on. When I originally asked each person to do this for me, the conversation was based on the assumption that this would be during the day. I never considered the fact this could happen after the sun went down. Neither did any of my friends on the list, who all happen to be parents by birth. What had I been thinking? Of course not one of them heard their phone. I called my husband back. “That plan isn’t working” I barked. “Why can’t the kids just stay there? I’ll be home soon.” replied the calm voice of reason. What a good idea. Now that was solved, all I had to do was find something to wear. I had a choice between looking good in cleanish clothes or donning a clean not-so-flattering attire. I decided the baby wouldn’t care what I looked like, but deserved the respect of cleanliness. I still needed a book, a change of clothes, and a pair of sneakers. Luckily they were all in the same room. I tossed them in bag, filled my water bottle...And I was off.
The hospital, which I have never actually been to, was over an hour away. I was a bit concerned about falling asleep at the wheel. I had just had a long day and with only an hour and half of shuteye, this was a very real concern. Why hadn’t I thought about this? What was I going to do? A solution began to form. I had to stop for coffee. Even if it was too hot to drink, the fear of dropping it on my lap would keep me awake.
Getting to the hospital proved itself to be pretty easy, it was exactly where I had imagined it. The problem began after I got there. It was a huge and sprawling complex. How in the hell was I supposed to find them? I couldn’t find any signs indicating that they even had a birthing center at this place. Maybe I wasn’t looking hard enough. Maybe I was at the wrong hospital. I really needed to find them. I managed to locate the main entrance and a parking lot not too far away. The night was very cold and windy. As I was walking towards the main entrance I remembered Meadow telling me she left directions on the phone. Shit! I hadn't checked cell messages in weeks. When I finally get to her message, it sounded like she was about to have the baby. I began to worry. A security guard came up to me as I was listening and told me I had to go back to my car, drive around to another lot, then walk down and around to the emergency room. UGH!!! I kept having visions of walking into the room and hearing the wail of a baby. Where are they? Why didn’t I check this place out sooner?
I finally found my way into the building, now I needed to get to the family. A surly night guard let me in and pointed me in the right direction. At last, the Birthing Center. It actually existed. The night nurse confirmed I was at the correct hospital when she recognized Meadow's name and directed me to “room #11, right down the hall”. I knocked and went in.
I actually held me breath, listening for the baby as I entered the room. To my relief, there was no crying baby, yet. What I did see was my beloved friend lying on the hospital bed, her lover and father of the baby by her head, a group of 3 or 4 women standing all around her. I saw her older children on the couch, bleary eyed. I took off my coat. I helped her son to take off his. They hadn’t been there very long themselves.
A few minutes go by. She is ready to push. I check in with the kids to make sure they are ok. I ask if they want to watch, they both nod not saying a word and get to their feet. We stand at the foot of the bed. Her daughter, the oldest, is standing to my left, my arm around her. Her son is to my right and doesn’t want to be held. They both seem nervous to me, but ok. That seems reasonable, so I let it be. Meadow starts to push. I can see a head just up the birth canal a little bit. Not quite to the opening. Her son keeps checking the clock. Meadow’s head is pushed back and I think she’ll snap her own neck. “Put your chin to your chest” the midwife says, gently over the sounds of pain and work coming from Meadow. She pushes a couple times and her vagina opens wide and the top of the head pushes on it. It opens more and the baby’s head comes half out. She takes a break, only a breath or two, then she’s pushing again and the whole head is out. I am filled with awe. Another breath and groan and push and the baby turns, then another breath. Another push and there she is. All blood and baby and Meadow and love and her son is checking the time of birth. “3:27” he says, “Actually, 3:26 and 45 seconds.” He’s right. As soon as her foot was out he was on that clock. He knew. Leave it to a big brother.
Within minutes baby girl was crying, then nursing. She knew what to do. Proud Papi cut the cord. I took pictures with their cell phone. It all happened so fast they left the camera in the car. I hope the pics come out ok. I know I don’t need them, I won’t ever forget this.
I have never witnessed a birth before. Meadow asked me a few months ago if I’d be there for her or her kids or whoever needed what. Of course I agreed. We’ve been friends for 9 years, the family means a lot to me. I never thought it would be like that though. Less than 10 minutes of pushing. I was ready to coach and say sweet encouragements and walk with her in the halls and read to the kids and do so many supportive things. In the end, it was quick and intense. A lot like my girlfriend. She is intense. Why would I think her birthing would be anything other? This baby girl is so loved and beautiful. She looks just like her father. I didn’t want to interfere, so I tried to stay out of the way, but it was hard. I wanted to hold her pretty badly. After an hour or so, Meadow had to empty her bladder, and asked if I’d like to hold the baby while she did. As if I’d say no. Wow. Holding that new, fragile, life in my arms was truly an honor. She’s strong and vocal and lovely. She doesn’t have a name yet, but that’s ok. She has love, the name will come.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Pretentious Poem
Pretentious Poems,
Pretentious Poets.
The snake eating
Its own tail.
Some are just myopic.
Peering peripherally,
Well, then its plain as paper.
They don their pretty clothes
- or their not so pretty clothes
Writing words
Attempting to convey
A something.
So sure of their grasp of the language.
And, to what avail?
To impress?
Impress on who, or on what?
We hide behind our words
As others – behind masks.
We profess these to be our Truths.
And confess our depths perceptions.
But is it?
Look closely?
Could it be a decoy?
No really one knows.
And – in the end,
No one cares.
The paper crumbles
- as do we all –
A grave by pauper or prince
Is still a grave.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
The Guys Go Fishing
Each week they go out with high hopes. They know which ponds stock which fish. They are equipped with the appropriate gear. Each week they come home and tell me about the guy who caught a salmon just as they were about to leave or the trout they caught, but didn’t quite land. One weekend they even brought home a few perch, to appease me, but they were barely edible. Too much work for not enough meat. There has to be some equation to make it worth it. For example, sun fish. Most people wouldn’t bother. They’ve heard they’re not good eatin’. Well let me tell you. They are the candy of the lake. So I’m willing to work for the little meat you get, but with perch... Sorry, just doesn’t cut it for me. Pardon me, I digress, I was discussing these gentlemen and their bizarre ritual. As I said earlier, I find it hard not to tease them. What is there to take seriously?
Well I guess today is the day they came home with the answer.
Take a look at these:
They did it!!!
I guess they showed me. I don’t mind eating a little crow, especially when it tastes like salmon.